CHULA ORCHIDS Newsletter and Catalog 31170 S. 2ND STREET (WTL) LEBANON, OR 97355 Phone 800 621 4923
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16.0 Index Reed Stem Epidendrums - The Poor Man's Orchid Potting Mix -
You will find this a good mix for nearly all types, even the new hybrids.
4 parts fine (1/8 to 1/4) fir bark
1 part medium (3/8 to 3/4) fir bark
1 part #3 Paramont Sponge Rok (Perlite)
1 part planter mix (ground sphagnum and small perlite basically)
Mix them all together and have at the potting task. This makes a good mix for small pots like 3 1/2 inch to larger pots like 20 inches across. Those large pots will usually have about six inches of plastic "peanuts" in the bottom to save some planter mix. I find this mix is fine for the "species" but you can also raise the new Epi's and Epicatts in it also, it drains pretty good. If you find your Epicatts are not growing as well, try a little better draining mix and see if that helps. Pot Size - Oh here's a good subject. Everyone I meet wants to put a 2 inch plant in a 20 inch tub, No! No! No! The pot should only be about 2inches larger than the plant all around,,, so if the plant clump is 2 inches a six inch pot is plenty big enough, if the clump is only a few growth and takes up only an inch or so a 4 inch pot will be big enough for a while. "I won't have to repot so much!" is the argument I hear. But you will find you still have to repot frequently because of two reasons. The pot being too big will hold way to much water for the plant. On top of the plant not growing well, the mix decays too fast and you will be repotting even faster than you did before. Keep it small, keep the drainage good and pot up to the next size when the plant earns it. The way the Epi's grow that may be twice a year anyway, so relax,, start with the small ones and work up. The plants will also take to planter beds, but a little harder to keep looking as nice as the ones in the pots. Take the large new growths off the bigger plants and spread them into a planter bed, or put six or so in a big pot. It won't be long before you can take them to a show. How long? Probably less that a year if they are all new large growths. The older plants that you took the new growths off of will not look as pretty now because all the growths will have flowered, and you just removed all the new growths. You can toss the older plant if you have plenty, but if you want to save it for reproducing keiki's you can keep it and with the same culture as before the previous flowers stems will start producing keiki's. (Some of the new hybrids don't do that as well or at all.) The pot with the new growths will be your show plant for a couple of years until you take keiki's off it and make a newer plant, the older always becomes the breeder. If you let the plant get too full of the old growths it starts to look shabby even with the newer growths all around. A way to make it look better is to clip off the older bloomed out, keiki'd out growths just leaving the new ones. That will make you a fabulous plant in another couple of years. You will have to watch and make sure the mix is still fresh and repot in the meantime if necessary. Fertilizer - Insecticides Any good all around fertilizer will work just fine. Use up anything you have before you get more. I like the lazy way of doing both of the fertilizing and the bug zapping at the same time. Ortho makes a product for roses that is terrific for Epi's. It's called Ortho Rose Food and Systemic Insecticide. Comes in all sizes, you can get it at Costco or Armstrong. Sprinkle a little around the base of the plant every three months or so. Water it in, and presto, you have just fertilized the plants for three months and also sprayed them with a pesticide that will keep aphids and scale off them for the same three months. Very easy to do, hence, you might do it eh? Snails and Slugs can also mess up your plants so keep a good bait out for them all year long. A new one now available is called SLUGGO. It's not harmful for pets, birds, kids etc., but does a good job on the snails and slugs. This stuff doesn't break down and turn to mush in the rain either, so broadcast it about once a month for good results. Diseases - There are not too many diseases to worry about. I have seen a plant or two that may have been virused, but for the most part the plants around the county look pretty clean. Scale can be a problem if you let it go too long, aphids are easily taken care of by the Ortho stuff I just mentioned. The Epidendrums do get a fungus that shows up as black spots on the bottom of the leaves. Get a good fungicide at the local nursery to combat that. Spray the whole plant, especially those leaves just above the black spotted ones thoroughly with the fungicide about every three weeks until the new leaves do not show the spots any more. Some seem more prone to the spotting than others, one circulating around now called "Gladiator" needs to practically be dumped in the stuff. The fungicide has to be sprayed on and dry there for a few minutes so don't do it on a rainy day. Give it time to dry complety and form the barrier you are looking for. The spraying will NOT get rid of any spots that are on the plant already, but it will stop any new leaves from coming up with them. DONÓT spray the flowers when you are applying the insecticide or it will destroy them. You can spray around them if you try. Some plants will get the spots up and down the main stems but you can get it done with a little effort. It would be good to set up a periodic spraying schedule so the spots don't sneak back when you aren't looking. During the winter wet months that cycle may shorten to every three weeks if it's wet like last year. Other Things To Watch For - If you are suddenly missing a lot of the new tips on the Epi's put out some Rat Bait!! The "roof rats" will descend on a nice collection and before you realize what happened you will be short of blooms. They like the tips of Epi spikes, Cymbidiums spikes, Zygopetalum spikes and even the Laelias like anceps and gouldiana, they think they are ice cream!! If you can't find the tips anywhere that were there yesterday get some rat bait quick and scatter it around the yard. And last but not least, try to protect your Epidendrums from hail. Nothing will make them look worse overnight than a short hailstorm. Symptoms are little white spots all over the leaves that will never go away. About all you can do is move the plants if you have warning, or, you can grow them under shade cloth. As much as 80 % shade will still give you great flower spikes although I think 65 % might keep the flower spikes stronger in the winter. I have a cover I can toss over them in the stormy weather because you can never predict when it's going to hail. Hail screws them up so bad for so long it's better to be prepared to either move them or cover them if you can, but a shade cloth cover is a permanent method. If it weren't for the chance of hail you can grow the best looking plants right out in full sun all year long. General Comments - The little Epi's will reward your efforts with an abundance of color all year long. The Epicatts will probably not do that but still have flowers a lot the year. They don't seem to bloom all the time like the species Epi's, probably the Cattleya influence. The newer hybrids are usually bigger, fuller flowers, but don't flower as much for me. It will be interesting to see what the local hybridizers like John Walters and others can come up with for newer hybrids. I know John has a lot of seedlings he will be offering in the near future. Epicatts and other hybrids by breeders Allan Yamada are producing very large colorful flowers on huge clumps at the end of tall spikes. They are heavy and will need extra support. I have seen birds land on them in my yard and with the extra bird weight the stem breaks. Look for lots of interesting new hybrids in the future and be proud that San Diego is known around the world as the Hot Spot for Epi's. And if you haven't tried a few already,,, why not?
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16.5 Automatic Bayliss Vent Opener - MK7 -
$75 plus shipping , (2) or more $70 each ! Automatic Bayliss Vent Opener - XL2 - $55 plus shipping, (2) or more $52 each ! This is slightly smaller version of the original for light work, and, it can be set to open at a slightly lower temperture than the MK7, still lifts 25 pound hinged vents. The perfect vent opener, (MK7 Picture) because of the material inside the cylinder. They are very effective and last a long, long time. You don't have to hook this beauty to water, gas or electric, they supply all they need to open a 32 pound hinged vent. Now that's a pretty good sized vent. Of course it works on smaller vents if you want. The power tube itself is guaranteed for five years by the manufacturer and is replaceable. You can see by the picture how they install with only four screws, I'll wager anyone can do it. You will need a ladder, and a vent, and probably a greenhouse, but after that you got it made. Once set these automatically adjust to the air temperature in the greenhouse and if it's hotter than you set it for it will open the vents to let the hot air out. You can set the MK7 to open at temperatures between 60 and 75 degrees. Made from special material resitant to corrosion they will last you a long time. The heat motor IS individually replaceable. It is recommended to install some sort of opening limit for areas subject to high winds. A simple chain or cable will usually do to prevent the opener from being pulled too far open by wind.
17.0 Heater Picture ------ Drawing ------ Installation Sketch
25,000 btu Southern Burner Greenhouse Heater - $470.00 plus $15 shipping, $485 total.. $550.00 with the new setback thermostat to save energy. All Automatic - I put three new ones in my own greenhouse so I can keep you running and help with any problems that come up! This is a very reliable little heater that was especially made for greenhouse environment. It is all Aluminum except for the fire box exit which is stainless steel. Everything is replaceable, legs, valves, pilot, thermostat etc. These can easily last you 20 years, it is not a toy. It is a very time tested heater of which thousands are currently in use all over the country. It's easy to maintain and find parts, works on either natural gas or Liquid Propane, and requires no electricity to make it run, it generates milivoltage on it's own. If the electrical power goes out in your area, no problem, this heater will still work!! Takes about a week or ten days after you call, to get there U.P.S. so don't delay.
Here's the manufacturers information.
Model A-1 Vented Orchid Greenhouse Unit Heater
NO ELECTRICITY REQUIRED!
BY FAR THE GREATEST GREENHOUSE UNIT HEATERS ON THE MARKET
Southern Burner Company's unit heaters are exactly what the name implies... individual units designed to be used singly or in groups to heat a unit of space to meet individual greenhouse requirements. Southern Burner heaters circulate warm air over the greenhouse somewhat like the heat rays from sunshine, from the floor up. They do not radiate heat because radiated heat goes directly to the top of the glass in the greenhouse and is lost. With Southern Burner Unit Heaters, the temperature at the top of the greenhouse can be held within 5 to 7 degrees of the floor temperature. Southern Burner heaters have been in use in greenhouses all over the United States since 1932. In thousands of applications, this method of inexpensive heating has helped make if possible for the average person to have and enjoy a 'backyard' greenhouse, and at the same time make it possible for the large greenhouse operators to expand their glass area to the maximum without the expense of costly heating systems. Southern Burner heaters will heat the same area as other systems on as little as half the fuel cost. Convenient... Economical... Space-saving... and most important, plants and flowers grown in greenhouses equipped with Southern Burner heaters have always been top quality. The Model A-1 Unit Heater is an enclosed flame heater that requires venting to the outside of the greenhouse. It also requires a fresh or combustible air intake from the outside of the greenhouse. The A-1 is square in design - 16.25 inches wide, 17.5 inches deep and 25 inches tall, constructed of non-rusting mill polished aluminum outer shell, supporting a 24 gauge aluminized steel firebox with vertical flues for maximum air circulation with a stainless steel burner enclosed rated at 25,000 B.T.U. This heater must be vented with a 3 inch vent pipe for proper draft. VENT PIPE, FLASHING AND RAINCAP ARE NOT INCLUDED.
Single Stage Thermostat Southern Burner heaters are equipped with millivolt controls and wall mounted thermostat that require no electricity for operation. Two styles are available: The first being a Single Stage Thermostat that has a temperature range of 35 to 75 degrees. When you select a temperature setting the heater will cycle on and off at this setting. Regardless of the time of day or night.
Set Back Thermostat Available also The Second Style is a Day and Night Set-Back Thermostat. This gives you the capability of two separate temperatures, one for day and one for night. The thermostat has an adjustable clock that you can choose from 15 minute intervals to set the temperature change from day to night settings. The clock is powered by an "AA" Alkaline battery still giving you the convenience of no electricity. Temperature range is from 45 to 90 degrees. Mounting of the thermostat can be up to 25 feet from the heater and should be shielded form direct sunlight or water.
Safety All controls have a 100% safety cut-off feature. If the pilot flame should go out for any reason, the millivolt control would shut off all gas to the heater. Pilot flame would have to be re-established before heater would operate.
Natural and L.P. Gas Southern Burner heaters are designed to operate under the side benches, installed flush with the front edge of the growing bench or at the end of the isle. Heaters are available for natural or L.P. gas. Heaters on L.P. gas must have a regulator on L.P. tank.
Heating Capacity In Northern states, it is suggested that one unit be placed for every 150 to 175 square feet of floor space in a conventional greenhouse. In Central states, place on unit heater to every 200 square feet of floor space. In the Southern states, we allow as much as 225 square feet to one unit.
Proper Ventilation Do not over look the necessity of providing a way for fresh air to enter the greenhouse. This is a 'must' and should not be eliminated. Illustrations show the proper way to install the air intake pipe for the model (C-1) and the model (A-1). A slight top ventilation is also necessary in the greenhouse to provide for circulation and exhaust. In case of heavy snows, take care not to let the vent pipe get buried as the heaters as the heaters need oxygen to burn properly.
17.1 Rust Inhibitor - $12 per can - lps3RustInhibitor
This is the best you can get for preventing problems with rust of hinges, valves, tools, battery cables, whatever. I use it on all my handyman tools, greenhouse gas valves, door hinges all over the house, car doors, etc., anyplace you experience problems with rust.
Commercial quality Greenhouse Protection Wax Base Oil
This is the best stuff around for coating the valve on your greenhouse metals. If hinges or valves or whatever are rusting away on you try this. One good coating refreshed maybe every year with another squirt will keep them trouble free.
I completely coat the gas valve on my heater and everything on each side of it, making sure to get a good squirt down under the gas valve handle. It gives long time protection for a valve seemlingly very sensitive to moisture. A squirt a year will keep it trouble free.
17.5 How To Build A Plant Shelf
There is no way I could possibly do this any better or explain it to you any better so I asked if I could place this link here for you to explore. Plenty of pictures to make this an easy project for you. Marilyn and her husband Joe made these shelves and they are not only practical but they look nice as well. You will find all you need to know here, click on this link,
http://www.collins-consulting.org/orchids/orchid.shtml
18.0 Oregon Orchid Businesses
We are going to list these as alphabetical and will add businesses as they or you check them in. If you have a business in Oregon that sells orchids and would like to be added just E-mail us everything you have you might want to include. Pictures and text are all accepted. I would like .gif or .jpg pictures already reduced if possible but if not I can handle it, just takes a bit longer. You can see in our listing here just about all the things I can do, I'm no computer whiz that's for sure, but I can get a lot of info here for you.
CHULA ORCHIDS Patricia & Harry Tolen 31170 2nd St. Lebanon, OR 97355 E-mail: htolen@chulaorchids.com Website: www.chulaorchids.com Phone or Fax: 1 800 621 4923 YOU MUST CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT BEFORE COMING OVER No Plants, just nursery supplies, nursery pots & clear pots, plant clips and plant stakes our specialties. In the foothills east side or Willamette Valley in Waterloo really. Our town is too small to have a post office, hence the Lebanon address. East of Albany just off of I-20, we stock many J.M.McConkey pots and all the plants clips, dragonflies, butterflies, bumblebees etc., etc., you could ever want. CAMP ONE ORCHIDS Jason O. 598 NE CAMP ONE ROAD WALDPORT, OR 97394 E-mail: info@camponeorchids.com Website: http://camponeorchids.com/ Phone: 541 547 3732 Fax: 541 547 3069 Cool growing orchids, disa's, masd, odont's, Lyc., etc ORCHIDACEA Mark & Joan http://www.orchidaceae.com
18.1 Birds and Blooms Magazine
Another great magazine I think you will like. Contact these folks for six issues a year of a great full color magazine with no advertising!! Just pictures of birds and blooms, what did you expect? OK, there are stories and articles and pictures galore of bird antics, bird houses, bird feeders and lots of braggin' pictures too. I think if you ask right they may even send you a sample issue ($3.50) to drool over. Contact, Reiman Publication Subscription Fulfillment Center PO Box 5294 Harlan, Ia 51593-0794 Or you can call 1-800-344-6913 and order over the phone. We just love this little magazine, it's a real uplifter when the new issue comes out.
And now you can get another version that will fill in the six months the first one missed. You figure this one out, I'n not even gonna ask,,,,
19.0 Hummingbird Feeders Picture $9 & $11 and made to clean and last!
Patricia and I love to watch the hummers. We used to feed all kinds of birds, but the cats in the neighborhood figured that out and were getting too many of the birds, so we switched to just the hummers. Two things happened. First, we found the cats can jump five feet in the air if necessary to harrass the hummers, so we hung them about eight feet in the air now. Second, we found the yard full of Orioles, lots of females and a couple of males that never came around before. The orioles are really skitish, but with all the cats around it's not hard to understand why. How do the orioles eat from a hummer feeder, easy, I just opened every other hole up to 1/4 inch diameter and they share!
If you have some orioles around and you want me to open some of the holes up for you just let me know. If I do open them up *** I find the little wasps can get in the hole and swim to the middle and end up floating in the bottle of food, so if you have those around get one feeder just for the orioles (and wasps) and another for the hummers. The wasps intimidate the hummers but can't scare the orioles!!
The orioles can only get in the big holes, the hummers will eat from either. (So why not open them all up just popped thru my mind?)*** After watching the sparrows and finches at the seed feeders, the neighbor put up a seed feeder high in a tree, and the seed eaters can continue there. But it is interesting to note that even seed eaters will come to these feeders and clean up anything any of the hummers or orioles miss. On some of the drip ones we had before they sit there and pig out on the sugar water!! I didn't know they would do that. So we went thru all the local feeders from Kmart, Home depot and Wahlmart, etc., and never found one we really liked until we came upon these. So much so, that I decided if I have that much trouble you may also, so I got some to offer you.
The very best feature of these is the ability to clean them out, easily and thoroughly. All the others we tried were a bitch to get inside with a little brush trying to get them clean. Now we only need the bottle brush for the bottle, the plastic tray does the rest. It's made so when you unscrew the bottle to refill, the plastic tray automatically comes apart for cleaning. Great idea. The little porch the hummers sit on goes all the way around the red plastic tray so they can easily reach any of the eight feeding ports in the tray. These feeders are made to last and wil do outside year after year even in harsh weather. The bottles are glass and last forever unless you drop it. And like the box recaps for me, 8 oz capacity Ready to hang Bee Proof Fully Guaranteed Built in Perch Easy to Clean Glass jar 8 feeding stations - (Yup, eight little tiny holes!) Another good feature is they are not real expensive!!
The 8 ounce one is $9 bucks, comes complete with the bottle, feeder tray and hanging attachment.
The 32 ounce one is $11 bucks also comes complete.
Wood Birdhouses - $8.00 - Picture 1- Picture 2 - Picture 3
Hope someone likes these, made them for myself, because I could not find a reasonable priced birdhouse on the web. This will give me a chance to hone my crafting skills. I can send them asssembled, but it would be cheaper to ship if I take them apart and you put them back together when you get them. They will be color coded for assemply, all the holes are already drilled and threaded, all you have to do is line up the marks and put the screws back in.
I made these with a top that comes off when you unscrew the two screws, really easy and allows full access for cleaning once a year. All I have read on this type of nesting box says don't, (do not) put a stick under the hole for the birds to land on .
I can make these for just about any bird you want to nest from finches to owls, so let me know when you order what types of birds you want it for and I'll make it for that particular bird. The biggest factor is the size of the hole I guess. If the house needs too be bigger for the type you want I may have to add a buck or two for the larger wood, but time will tell.
20.0 Now For Some Fun!
Jokes and One Liners - I use a lot of the stuff floating around the internet on a daily basis. I think the internet must by half full of jokes at least! I copy the good ones and pass them on to you. I hope there's no law against that. I read somewhere last week a guy got in trouble for using someone else's one liners. So if I used your stuff and you want credit for it just let me know. I'll tell everyone it was your idea, I don't claim any of it as original. (Except the Soapbox area, dat's my fault! Some jokes sent me that I can print! And funny!! Iknow the ladies are gonna love dis first one!!
Do What You Gotta Do!
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no". Then they said that all patrols we re busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, " Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing thing s from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
NAGGING WIFE
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, nag,,,,, it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet -- caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a male mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with all the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with the men.
The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out chasing turkeys up and down the mountains."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive... he's a turkey hunter."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married tonight."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Married?! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wants to?"
(Thank You for that one Lou Ann`)
It hadda happen!
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?" "Yes?" was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well today,,,,, today I didn't do it." \(^0^)/ Really Into It!
Once there was an obstetrician, who was getting home late, and constantly thinking about his work. Really was wound up in it. His wife suggested perhaps he needed a hobby to otherwise occupy his mind and give him a little relief. He thought that was a reasonable idea, and went to the local Jr. College to see what things they offered.
He found an auto mechanics class that was something he always wanted to do. He signed up to learn more about autos and wound up taking engines apart and putting them back together, troubleshooting problems, and had a really good time at it.
Finally the time came for the final exam. The test was for each student to assemble the parts of a complete engine and exhaust system and make it run for the instructor. Most of the students finished in two classes, but it took the good Dr. over a week. After several classes he was finally ready to turn the key and start the engine for the instructor. Brrrrrroooooomm! It started up and he and the instructor were both elated.
He was quite concerned about his grade though, because it took him so long to complete the job. Later he received his "report card" and the grade was an "A+". He called the instructor to thank him, and asked if the "A+" was the usual grade for starting the engine.
"Not quite said the instructor, usually I just give "A's", but yours was such an accomplishment I felt you deserved something special so I added the "+"."
"What was so special on mine?" inquired the Dr."
"Well, you're the only student I ever had who did the whole thing through the tail pipe!!!"
Memory School
A couple of old timers Sam and Frank were talking,,,, Sam say, "Frank, I heard you went to one of those memory schools, how'd it work out?" Frank says, "Not too bad, I think they helped me, my memory was getting a little worn! They taught me how to remember stuff by word association and stuff like that." Sam says, "They really helped you then? What's the name of the school, maybe I'll contact them too!" Frank says, "Ummmmmm, let's see,,, what's the name of that plant with the thorns and the pretty flowers on it?" Sam says, "You mean a rose bush?" Frank says, "Riiiiiiite, that's it!" Calling to his wife, "Hey Rose! What's the name of that memory school I went too?????" \(^0^)/
Subtlety
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in Seamus O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone has got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet?" Gallagher says. "I'm the most discreet Irishman you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me." He goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers. Gallagher says, "Your husband just lost $500 in one hand playing poker with us and is afraid to come home." "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" says Murphy's wife. "I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.
Lipstick! According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers and then there are Teachers eh?...\(^0^)/
And we got to have a Super Bowl Joke
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium, he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yardline He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says "No." Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967." "Oh gosh, I'm sorry, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?" "No," the man replies, "They're all at the funeral." Ok Guys, \(^0^)/ that makes us even for the first joke up there!
Boots?
Old guy decided to get the pair of cowboy boots he always wanted. Picked out a terrific spangled pair that set him back close to $300 bucks. Arrived home and found his wife in the living room sitting in a chair reading. "Notice anything different about me Hon? " he asks. "Nope, same ol' shirt, same ol' pants, same ol' you???" Frustrated he goes into the bedroom and takes off all of his clothes, but puts the new boots back on. "OK NOW!" he says, "Do you see anything different now?" "Same ol' you, same ol' thing looking down, nothing different!" she says, "Well it's looking down because it's looking AT MY NEW BOOTS!!" To which she replys,,,,, "You shoulda bought a hat!" Billy Bob, Wiley, and Bubba
were at a truck race when a truck out of control busts thru the fence and does all three of them in. They all show up at Heaven together, St Peter says, 'You can do most anything you want up here, but how you act determines who you will spend eternity with. Whatever you do, don't step on a duck, the Lord don't like that. One quacks, more quack, pretty soon they are all quacking and the Lord gets upset, so be careful, don't step on a duck." "Well how hard can that be?" says Billy Bob as St Peter opens the Pearly Gates. First thing he notices,,, there are ducks everywhere, walking side by side in Heaven. "This is gonna be harder than it sounded!" says Billy Bob. They hadn't gotten 20 yards when Bubba steps on a duck! "Quack! Quack! Quack!" goes the duck, then more quack, then they all are quacking at the top of their quackers!! St Peter comes running back, "Ok, who messed up? " Bubba raises his hand and St Peter leaves, comes back shortly with a very homely woman. "This will be your partner for the rest of your time here in Heaven Bubba!" So Bubba and his new partner leave for eternity. Billy Bob and Wiley are being REAL cardful now, and for two days all goes well until Wiley steps on a duck. "Quack! Quack! Quack!" goes the duck, then more quack, then they all are quacking at the top of their quackers!! St Peter comes running back, "Ok, who messed up? " Wiley raises his hand and St Peter leaves, comes back shortly with an even homelier homely woman. "This will be your partner for the rest of your time here in Heaven Wiley!" So Wiley and his new partner leave for eternity. Billy Bob is being so careful he is dragging his feet in the dirt now, and for three days all goes pretty good, no problems. Suddenly St Peter comes out of no where, grabs Billy Bob and whisks him away. They come to a gorgeous knock out beautiful lady standing alone. "Billy Bob, says St. Peter, this is the lady you will share eternity with!" "Wow!!!!" says Billy Bob, "What did I ever do to deserve this?" "Well, I don't know about you," says the gorgeous lady,,, "but I stepped on a duck!!!!"
20.5 The Soap Box
ARE YOU GETTING AS MUCH JUNK MAIL AS I AM? THIS IS STUFF THE POST OFFICE DELIVERS,
Honest to Pete, i get a whole bag full of junk every week from people I don't know, never knew, don't want to know. There are some expensive looking brochures every week. I have to tear all the address labels off, shred that and bag and toss the rest in the paper recycle box. But that is getting to be an awful lot. Money wasted every week across the country has got to be costing billions of bucks every week. Who's the one that's buying stuff from them? I sure don't.
Every other week I get "approved" as does everyone else in the world, solicitations from two credit card companies and my bank. I have dutifully filled them all out with NO THANK YOU, PLEASE STOP SENDING THESE." and mailed them back in there potasge paid envelope. Andy Rooney suggested that but they don't read their mail, it's still coming!
One thing the post office could do is return refused stuff instead of throwing it away, but they will never do that, you know why? Because they make a ton of mail off that stuff. Well, they would make a ton more if they just made the sender pay to get the refused stuff back. It's not just you and me either, the post office has a dumpster full or that material that has bad addresses etc etc. they can't deliver or send back so they have to trash it too. Mountains of trash these advertisers create in hopes of getting a nibble. Most unsolicited material comes via companies you did order from on-line or whatever. They sell you name and address to anyone with a buck, and the cycle starts again. Try this, give each place you purchase from a departement number, different from all the others, then wait to see what starts showing up in your mailbox.
I just bought an office file, the "registration card" which is used for Warranty Confirmation and Proof of Ownership,
"Warranty confirmation," it says, "With the information you provide we can confirm the date of purchase or your product. This confirmation is of benefit to you, especially if your original proof of purchase is lost."
They ask for,
1. Complete name and address and e-mail address
2. My date of birth (is there a limit?)
3. My marital status (does it make a difference, no one told me,,,,)
4. My telephone number (fat chance)
5. Date of purchase (Now if I lost the original proof of purchase I could surely lie about this one.)
6. Model Number (of a file cabinet)
7. Serial Number (of the file cabinet)
8. Name of retailer (what's that got to do with your cabinet?)
9. Price I paid for it (why?)
10. Where will it be used? only 6 choices, not very creative
11. How many people work here? How many is the warranty good for? They gave me five choices,,,
12. How much do you spend for office furniture per year? 6 choices, from here on I classify these questions as NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS FOLKS!! i'm beginning to regret buying your file cabinet!
13. What influenced your purchase? I needed a file cabinet ain't good enough apparently, they gave me 7 choices and that's not one of them!
14. Was this a first time purchase of our brand? four other choices? Hey, I never heard of you, I not big on research when it comes to file cabinets!
15. What kind of product did you purchase? 7 choices, I know it's definitely not a desk, but the others I'm not sure about, file cabinet ain't on the list????
16. Not including yourself, what is the gender and age ("in years" it notes here) of all the rest of the adults and children living in your household? But then the rest of the 6 boxes only allow for 2 male, &/or 2 femaie, no one at all, or one kid under 1, no room for the twins, dang.
17. My Occupation and my wifes Occupation? 6 choices and they missed on all of them, wanna guess some more? Hell Patricia don't even know I bought the cabinet!
18. Are you or your spouse, 7 choices. A homemaker, retired, a student, self employed, home office, military, retired military? None of which is any of their business and I ain't telling. Is there a different warranty for each?
19. Which group describes your annual family income? 14 choices,,, anyone one that fills this in on a file cabinet warrantyor any waranty really, is telling them several things, you aren't too bright, and if you are in some of these income brackets they might wanna make a night time visit to your house. I haven't read down yet to find out if they want to know when there is generally no one home here.
20. My level of education? 3 choices! I repeat, this is a friggin' file cabinet!! I was educated enough to know I needed a file cabinet that ought to be enough.
21. What credit cards do you use regularly? 4 choices, one of these is "Do not use credit cards" which is not even safe to mark, you will get a ton of "invitations" if you do.
22. Do you own or rent? Tell me how this affects the warranty first? Own or rent what, a file cabinet? I bought this one straight out!!
23. When did you move into current address? five choices, all interested in the last 12 months for some reason. I realoly can't figure out what they would do with this info. except forward it to mail lists.
24. Get this "Which of the following do you plan to do within the next 6 or 12 months? 4 choices Buy/.Lease a New Vehicle 1-6 mos, 7-12 months or Buy/Lease a Used Vehicle 1-6 mos or 7-12 mos" Damn, now I am stuck, when I bought this file cabinet I had no plans for a new or used vehicle, I feel like such a dunce.
25. Please check all that apply to your household. 12 choices Again marking or not marking any of these puts you on many mail lists for more junk mail. They obviously don't need this for a file cabinet purchase!
26. To help us understand our customers lifestyles, please indicate which of these 51 interests and activities in which you or your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis. Could have said, Now, to get you on as many mail lists as possible check all of these activities you participate in on a regular basis." Wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole!
27. Using the numbers you marked in the above list, please indicate your 3 most important activities. Yeah sure!
Now, down at the bottom it says, "Thanks for taking the time to fill out the questionaire. Your answers will be used for market research and reports. They will also allow you to receive important mailing and special offers from a number of fine companies whose products and services relate directly to the specific interests, hobbies and other information indicated above. Through this selective program, you will be able to obtain more information about activities in which you are involved and less about those in which you are not. Please check here, if for some reason, you would prefer not to participate in this opportunity. and it's in a #4 pica type, 1/2 as big as this type below,
Thanks for taking the time to fill out the questionaire. Your answers will be used for market research and reports. They will also allow you to receive important mailing and special offers from a number of fine companies whose products and services relate directly to the specific interests, hobbies and other information indicated above. Through this selective program, you will be able to obtain more information about activities in which you are involved and less about those in which you are not. Please check here, if for some reason, you would prefer not to participate in this opportunity.
You think maybe they are hoping you miss this?? Well, I'm sending it back empty, with an anonymous note, and paying the postage so I can go to sleep for a few nights thinking about the poor person that has to open this PRODUCT REGISTRATION CARD.
I'm gonna take a chance on my file cabinet lasting for more than the warranty and not turn it in, call me crazy,,,,,
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NEW ANSWER BOX REQUIRED ON MY COMPUTER,,,
How about when you are using your computer, and something hangs and goes wrong and a box appears on your screen,
WE ARE SORRY, YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED FROM THE INTERNET BECAUSE YOUR COMPUTER MALFUNCTIONED. WE WILL RESTART YOUR COMPUTER AND YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE. CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE, AND A LITTLE BOX SAYS, "OK",,,
NO, IT'S NOT OK! FIRST,,,,NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN, ITS THE INTERNET SERVICE THAT'S SCREWED UP, BUT JUST PUTTING A LITTLE BOX THERE WITH "OK" IN IT DOESN'T COVER WHAT I WANT TO SAY, GIMME SOME MORE OPTIONS.
AND ALL THE WHINING ABOUT NO MONEY, YOU GOT MONEY, YOU USED IT POORLY,,,
All the cryin' and whinin' about Cities/States who over-promise retirement plans, then can't pay it because the investment money of the city, which was all going to retiree programs went into the tank with the stock market. I think a lot of the cities will have to go bankrupt to get out of the mess they are in. In error you promised so much because you didn't read the fine print, Stocks can go down in value. My what a surprise. Who made your investment choices in those stocks, Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse or Goofy??? You tied all of your pension and other funds to the upside of the market years ago but completely ignored the downside it could take? Nice work Goofy!!
But in the meanwhile, you are allowing casinos all over the place, anywhere a little piece of ground can be claimed by Native Americans. Lemme understand this, you're going broke and bankrupt while allow casions that are making Native Americans rich beyond their wildest dreams to be built all over the place and yes, even thinking about allowing them in downtown Palm Springs, San Diego, Portland etc.m, etc. while the cities are going broke and providing not enough services, schools are going to go for shorter school years because there is not enough money to pay teachers for full year of teaching? Police are few and far between because you had to lay off to make the new budget? You have taxed or taken over booze and cigarettes with enormous loads and still can't make ends meet.. You want to raise more taxes to pay these overblown retirement plans? You can't get people back to work who went on disability because they are getting more on disability than they make when working? But you can't replace them either because there is no budget for more people?
Seems like an endless stream of bad decisions and even you have run out of ideas to bail yourselves out of the mess.
But there is more caused by the Legals of the world,,, you are paying lawyers and judges from the Cities funds to carry on trial farces for over 25 years and more, dealing with the same person who is filing a never ending series of law suits and appeals using lawyers who are appointed to defend the individual who care nothing about anything but the never ending supply of money available, using every smallest minute technicality to throw sand in everyones eyes, continuing the farce to the utmost, milking every possible bit of $$ from public defenders. Line up all these cases and look at them and I wonder where the "justice" is. Purchased by $$ I feel. A kid who steals some panties is given 7 years in prison, a guy who killed eight girls is given the death penalty (for the third time), a guy who kills 48 people is given a life sentence,,, etc.,,,,
Here are some ideas for city& state government syou won't like,,,
1. Go bankrupt at the earliest possible date. Null and void all agreements made by previous government. Make new agreements with unions that are doable. All debts are gone and you can start over,
2. Then, build you own casinos downtown, Gambling is all over Calif, Wash, and Oregon, why not build your own city owned casinos downtown and tap that stream you have given away. If city casino employees are regulated by the same people who regulate the casinos in Las Vegas, I don't think the employees would be using ANY money from the casino for anything else, lol. Profits go to the city for use with more police, more teachers, more highway patrols, etc. Now that casinos are every 20 miles down the freeway, why has there not been a bill introduced to let ANYONE build one ANYWHERE? Because the legal forces for the casinos don't like that idea!
21.0 Orchid Talk News From Thailand, Back in 1988 I noticed some plants I purchased from T Orchids in Thailand came with the varietal name "Chula". Since I had been purchasing from them for many years I thought maybe they were doing us the honor of attaching "Chula" to some of their crosses. So I wrote them and asked, "How did you come by the varietal name "Chula". I received a letter back that goes like so, "Dear Mr. Harry Tolen, The reason why we assign the name of "Chula" to the variety is its very good meaning in Thailand which is as follows : 1. "Chula" is the name of a very popular flying kite with pentagon shape. Regular flying kites contests are organized in Thailand. 2. "Chula" is the name of the oldest university in Thailand. 3. "Chula" is the common name of following : A. "Chula-Truckel" name of a famous river in Buddhism history. B. "Chula Manee" name of a famous pagoda wherein relics of Lord Buddha was placed. C. "Chula-Laksana" meaning perfect beauty. D. Plus other numerous good meaning in Thai language. The fact that yours is called "Chula Orchids" make us wonder that you could be a Thai, and also make us want to know you more. As you are one of our good customers for years, we wish to invite you to visit Thailand some time. We shall take good care of you while you stay in Thailand. Please call myself "Somsak" to meet you at the airport on arrival, Yours truly, Somsak Boy! Talk about getting your bubble popped! Someday it would be nice to visit,,, I thought it was really great of Somsak to take the time to explain all that to me. The reason I named my business Chula Orchids is obvious when you look at our address. Chula Orchids 230 Chula Vista Street Chula Vista, California 91910-1825 We are about 8 miles from Mexico, and many of the names around here carry the Spanish name for them. Chula Vista in Spanish means Beautiful View. So "Chula Orchids" i.e. "Beautiful Orchids" seemed a natural for the business. For the word "Chula" to have the same meaning halfway around the world in another language seemed too much of a coincidence. Probably the word "Chula" got off a Spanish or Portugese ship in the 15 or 1600's and became part of Thai language. Anyway it's a fun story, and really popped my bubble eh?
Back To Index21.5 Orchid Society of Arizona, Program for Kids
Subject: Fuller Programs
Click on this
to visit the Orchid Society of Arizona's Website where you can ask questions or make comments on this terrific program to introduce kids to the world of orchids. 23.0 Other Interesting Sites
Beautiful Phals in Spike Some very new exclusive colors Chesterfield Orchid Company
In the UK http://www.home-garden.co.uk Description: The complete guide to Home Improvement, Gardening & Horticulture. The Orchid Mall This is the site of sites for orchid information. You won't believe all the stuff you can find here. Carson Whitlow has accumulated a terrific site of everything related to orchids. Start at Carson's site and work yourself through it and virtually everything you every wanted to know about orchids is available to you here. Orchid Connection Orchid species divisions. Lots of color pics and some cultural information. A site nicely done and should work quick for you. Orchid Culture Charles and Margaret Baker created this is a very useful site. To use it you must pay a small fee, but when you want to find culture of a specific orchid you come to this site and run off the sheets you need, two free ones to start. Charles and Margaret (and Squeek) have published many books on the subjects of orchid culture in particular. They have tons of good information for you. This is like looking thru their own extensive personal library. Check out the site and learn all the particulars. There are also links to tons of other sites offering orchid information. Jerry's Site - An unbelievable collection of information worked up by Jerry, another labor of love, this one for the Central Ontario Orchid Society in Canada. Landscaping Garden Plants Comprehensive plants, gardening and landscaping website. 90,000+ plants in it's database. http://members.home.net/orchid1 San Diego County Orchid Society - Revised every month with new pictures and the society newsletter. Lots of other things becoming available as time passes. Keep checking the site. Webmaster would like you to use the e-mail link for leaving some comments about the site. http://members.aol.com/CSOrchids/ - Bill Schneider's Countryside Orchids Bill has amassed quite a collection of species and hybrid dendrobiums along with a lot of other stuff. I think you will find it a quick acting no nonsense catalog you will enjoy. Phalaenopsis By Alain Brochart - Alain has put together a great site for Phal fanciers. Informative and a good place for some species phal information. Alain is one of our customers who uses the clear pots. Not too unusual, but Alain lives in France!! Picture Gallery - An unabashed plug for one of my sons website. Patrick is a dreamer, and has created a number of beautiful pictures on his computer. He recently (2002) did a book cover for a new science fiction related book that will be out soon. These are extremely fine quality prints. Check out the site for four gallerys of pictures. Naturally I have these hanging all over the house, I especially like the "Eternal Flames" and have one about 3 feet wide x 4 feet high. No matter what size you might like he can make it, framed or whatever. "RhiCreations Graphics and Designs" - Rhiannon Geraughty has nothing to sell you here, just some great creative stuff, oil paintings to computer created pictures, enjoy. If you want to see what she is doing out in the middle of Missouri check out her business website, - Business site - she builds websites for businesses, and paints and does graphics and raises kids,,,, where does she find the time? On top of that now she is selling orchids over the web, check out this website of Rhiannon's for Orchids http://www.strictlyorchids.com/ Strictly Orchids is an East Coast Hot Spot for everything related to orchids. Check it out and let me know what you think!! http://www.orchid-jewelry.com is a site you may want to look at for Sterling Silver Orchid Jewelry, good selection and looks like good quality. You have to check this out. Unbelievable beauty in photographs taken of soap bubbles!! There is a great DVD available here that will make a unique Holiday Gift. All original material, pictures, music and commentary all by the 88 year old artist. http://www.dancing-rainbows.com/
Click here to order from us Via e-mail. You can use these e-mail links if you have any questions or want a quote or whatever!!! Web www.chulaorchids.com